By Kristin Hendrickson and Brad Strand
(June 3, 2021)
As a coach, one has an incredible influence over his or her athletes (Ferlazzo, 2019). It is well understood that this influence can be positive or negative. Coaches must always strive to be a positive influence over the athletes they coach. One’s influence as a coach will continue long after they are gone or the teams and players they have coached have moved on (Edger, 2012). One’s legacy as a coach is not about how many games or championships have been won, but instead, it is about how their players talk about them after the coach is no longer a direct influence in their lives. Coaches exert influence by being who they are, what they say, and what they do. This is why it is so important for coaches to walk the talk, practice what they preach, and strive to be a good role model for the athletes they coach.
Benefits of Sports
Participation in sports and physical activity can help children develop more than just physical attributes; participation can build character, teach and develop strategic and analytical thinking, foster leadership skills, and help children set goals and take risks. Thus, sports and physical activity should not simply be about developing champions and winning (Ghildiyal, 2015).
Although winning and becoming a champion are desirable, unless such goals are properly defined and kept in perspective, the lessons learned may be less than positive. Winning should not be materialistic with an emphasis on trophies, medals, and awards. Sport participation should first and foremost be about building character, developing a positive attitude toward life, learning how to deal with difficulty, fostering self-esteem and worthiness, developing positive character traits and a growth mindset, and building lasting relationships (Walker, 2020). For example, sport should teach and foster perseverance, grit, mental toughness, and a “can-do” attitude, among many other traits, teaching that one can accomplish many things that he or she sets his or her mind to.
Learning from Losing
As a coach, one will win and lose at some point; therefore, coaches need to decide what winning and losing means to them personally. Throughout life, people deal with all sorts of different losses. Losing a game is one type of loss and it is going to happen. The important thing for coaches is to help young athletes learn how to deal with loss. Sport is a perfect venue for teaching that sometimes one does the best he or she can do and the results are not favorable. In these cases, a loss can provide an opportunity to better understand one’s current limitations, and determine what one needs to do to get better.
How one deals with a loss and continues to perform reveals a lot about his or her character. The late Kobe Bryant once said, “You either win or you learn. I didn’t lose, I just learned.” In Kobe’s mindset, there was no such thing as failure or losing, it was all about learning. If one does not win, he or she must have the mindset to get back up, learn from what they did, and try again.
Coaches are constantly striving to build character in the youngsters they coach. One cannot do that by winning all the time as constant winning can easily do more harm than good as it provides a false sense of one’s own capabilities (Dweck, 2007). As such, winning may prevent one from trying to be their best or working as hard as they can to achieve their goals. Although losing may turn many young athletes away from sport, with proper coaching and mentoring, losing should make one want to be better and push one to work harder. Coaches need to think about how they can help athletes understand why they lost and what they can to do improve; what do they need to change. Coaches need to remind themselves, their athletes, and anyone for that matter, that one either wins or they learn, but there is no failure.
Changing the Language
Losing, or being called a loser, has such a negative connotation in contemporary society. No one wants to be a loser. It is known that using positive language has the ability to change one’s brain, as does negative language (Newberg & Waldman, 2012). If one thinks he or she is a loser, they will be a loser. Coaches need to change the language to say, we did not succeed; we did not win; however, we did not lose because each time we lose we learn something about how we performed. Every loss needs to viewed as a learning opportunity, a chance to improve skills and get better.
If one always wins, he or she never learns what it feels like to lose. One cannot then relate to those who lose and may become insensitive. Humility is a difficult characteristic to develop; however, it is an important one for all to have. Humility gives us the ability to connect with those who are not as good as, or who are not like us.
An important aspect of sport is teaching young athletes that winning is not everything. In fact, it is far from the most important thing in their lives. There will not always be more games, more competitions, and more championships, but there will be more life to live. Winning a championship or a medal is short-lived; on its own, it cannot fully account for one’s self-esteem, self-confidence, or self-worth. Coaches need to teach their athletes that doing their best, trying their hardest, and the manner in which they treat their competition, makes them winners. In ten years, few will remember if a game was won or lost, but many will remember if they acted with humility and grace when they won, if they demonstrated good sportsmanship, if they tried their hardest, how they treated their teammates when they struggled, and if they supported and lifted each other up. These are the things that build character and what one wants to be remembered for. This becomes their legacy.
Conclusion
As coaches, one’s goal is to not only teach the outcomes of today; but it is to coach for tomorrow’s players. Character development is what coaches should be aiming for as much as the win. What athletes say about their coaches in 20 years, is a win. How athletes handle a win or loss, is a win. How athletes treat one another and their peers, that is a win. What athletes do with their life after sports, is a win.
References
Dweck, C. S. (2007). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Ballantine Books: New York.
Edger, M. (2012, Sept 4). How bully coaching affects athletes. Sport Psychology Today. Retrieved from http://www.sportpsychologytoday.com/youth-sports-psychology/how-bully-coaches-affect-athletes-mental-game/
Ferlazzo, L. (2019, Jan 6). Response: How teachers and sports coaches can help ensure that ‘everyone wins’. Education Week. Retrieved from https://www.edweek.org/teaching-learning/opinion-response-how-teachers-and-sports-coaches-can-help-ensure-that-everyone-wins/2019/01
Ghildiyal, R. (2015). Role of sports in the development of an individual and role of psychology in sports. Mens Sana Monographs, (1),165–170. doi: 10.4103/0973-1229.153335
Newberg, A. & Waldman, M. W. (2012). Words can change your brain: 12 conversation strategies to build trust, resolve conflict, and increase intimacy. Penguin Group: NY, NY.
Walker, S. O. (2020, Oct. 1). Coaches of character: Optimizing positive youth development through sport. Character.org. Retrieved from https://www.character.org/news/coach-of-character-optimize-positive-youth-development
