By Mike Herbert
(June 23, 2021)

Coaches need to recognize that the role of the parent in youth sports is very important. Coaching is hard work; practice planning, game day preparation, and the agony of defeat can take a toll on a coach at any level. Parents should be able to enjoy the game from a distance while supporting their child and their friends. By taking time to coach the parents, a coach can help parents find a role within the team that can be supportive and fun.

Although we have heard horror stories about parents acting out during sporting events, the majority of parents are positive and have good intentions. Although most parents want to be supportive and positive, the fact remains that many parents may not know exactly how to be supportive or positive. Some parents believe coaching from the sideline is helpful or arguing a call that goes against their child is showing support. Neither of these acts is encouraged, and both are counterproductive to the overall goal of raising our kids to be positive members of the community.

Historically coaches have been afraid of talking directly to parents. There are some coaches who hold “closed door” practices because they don’t want parents hovering over them or their kids. While parents should not be attending practices, a coach needs to educate parents on why they shouldn’t be attending. Parents need to allow their kids to grow and learn from other authority figures. Sport participation can be a safe environment that allows kids to fail and learn how to get back up again. Coaches and parents need to work together to provide this atmosphere for optimal development both physically and emotionally.

Coaches should always have preseason parent meetings without the kids present. This forum provides coaches an opportunity to have an honest conversation about their philosophy and goals for the season. The more approachable coaches are to parent concerns, the less issues coaches will need to address throughout the season. Coaches who clearly communicate their expectations at the start of each season will also have less issues throughout the year.

Here are a few tips for coaches who are trying to set high expectations for their student-athlete’s parents:

• Practice will start and end on time, so athletes must be dropped off and picked up on-time. Teaching kids time-management skills is important at an early age. Coaches and parents must adhere to this guideline to be a good example for kids.
• Coaching from the bleachers is strictly prohibited. Athletes who interact with family or fans will be immediately removed from the game. Kids need to learn to listen to their coach’s voice, not their parent, during competition. Parents may think they are helping but they are interfering with the learning process.
• If a parent has a question or concern, please email the coaches to set-up an appointment to discuss the concern. Do not approach coaches before, during or after a contest. Setting boundaries early will give parents and coaches time to think about how to approach sensitive subjects. Taking time to calm down and gather appropriate thoughts is great advice for both coaches and parents.

• Arguing with officials or making negative comments towards an official is strictly prohibited. The coaches role is to talk with officials if there are questionable calls. Officials will make mistakes, so will the kids. Showing respect for authority figures is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of maturity.
• Do not allow the triangle of communication to break down the relationships among athlete, coach, and parent. Communication is the key to any healthy relationship, and demonstrating those healthy communication skills for our children is more valuable than learning any motor skill. Coaches need to set the expectation for communication by explaining the triangle of communication between coaches, athletes, and parents is very delicate; athletes should not complain to parents about coaches, parents should not complain to athletes about coaches and coaches should not complain to athletes about their parents.

Coaches must remember that the children they are coaching are the most important thing in the world to their parents. Thus, parents will have concerns and questions in any sport and during any season. The question for coaches is simple: how will you handle those issues? Will you run and hide behind your title, or will you be able to defend your decisions and help parents understand your point of view. Coaches do not need to be afraid of parents, and parents should feel comfortable approaching their kids’ coaches. The key is to remember that we all want the same thing: a safe environment for our children to have fun, grow, and have an opportunity to be successful. Coaches can help nurture a mind-set with parents that it is not about the coaches or the parents, it’s about the kids.